I’ll be real.
I’m freaking scared.
I move out in less than a week, and along with that comes college, and along with that comes new people, and along with that comes new places and new experiences. I know so many people going through the same thing, and maybe they’re handling it better, but maybe they’re like me. Goodness, just thinking about it makes me so nervous and emotional. I love my home…so so much. I would live there all through college if I could. And I could! But I’m not.
As much as I would love to be comfortable, I know I wouldn’t grow as much as living on campus. I don’t always do well with change, but this is one that is necessary, healthy, and inevitable. I’m writing all of this as if I’m moving out of state or something…but the funny thing is I’m only going to be 20 minutes away. Still, in my little head and heart, that’s a lot to take in.
Don’t get me wrong, I feel as though I’m MORE than prepared for the real world. My parents have done the best possible job raising me. Treating me like an adult, allowing me to make mistakes and fix them myself, loving me through all of my phases. That’s the problem though, they’re too great, and now I don’t want to leave…so good job mom and dad, you’re the real MVP’s.
It became real to me when one morning my mom and I were talking about the new things coming up and she said, “I believe in you. If you ever need to vent, or need anything at all, just call me.”
What?! You mean I won’t be just a floor in the house away, and I won’t be able to yell “MOM!” when I can’t find the jeans that were right in front of me, and I won’t be coming home every night to my whole family in the living room laughing until 10:00, and I won’t hear first hand the stories of their day.
Growing up is so hard. One moment I want to be back in high school, the next I want to be right where I am, and then I want to be 25 living with my own family. Life has a way of playing with you sometimes, but I want to be a person who appreciates the past, lives for the moment, and patiently waits for what is ahead of me. (Wow that sounded so cliche, but it’s true).
I meant it when I said I was a homebody. I’m the oldest child, the first one to ever do something like this, and man is it tough. The changes in people, plans, and places are many, but I have no doubt that I (and all you other newbie college kids) will conquer them. I pour my heart out to Jesus constantly, and He never fails to listen and come right back with a gentle voice of encouragement. And not the fake, recorded encouragement either. The real voice of someone who cares deeply and wants the best for you. That’s my confidence.
Honestly, this felt more like a rant than anything, but regardless, it felt good to get some feelings out. I’m nervous, but ready for this coming change, and I’m okay with that. I’m learning not to be sorry for feelings…they’re normal.
This stage of life is going to be exciting, challenging, and different, but I know that whenever I come home, I’ll always see my family there in the living room.
“God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears.” Psalm 34:4